"But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!” (2 Samuel 13:14–15)
The two great sources of sexual impotence in marriage are fear and guilt. Let’s first discuss fear. Fear causes us to freeze up, and sexual impotency is a form of freezing (which is why in women it is called frigidity). There are two main causes of fear in sexuality.
First is the fear of performance. Our society has filled all avenues of communication with a basically pornographic view of sex. In movies, books, and songs, people are portrayed as masters of sexual prowess and pleasure. In real life, sex is almost never like this, but people nowadays have come to think that it should be, and that they are inadequate because they don’t measure up to this fantasy-ideal. Also, because so many people are not virgins when they marry, they eventually begin to wonder if they are as “good” as their spouse’s previous partners were. We need to understand that sex is wonderfully fun, but that in marriage the fun of sex is tied to the overall relationship, not to pornographic prowess.
The second source of fear arises from sexual abuse, either as children or by their spouse. Thus, they are unable to relax and enjoy sexual relationships. One of the cures for this problem is for spouses to strive to be ever more loving and tender.
The greater cause of impotence, however, is guilt. Guilt paralyzes people, and because in our hearts we know that God sees all that we do, guilt causes deep-seated fears that make us freeze up. Premarital sex is wrong, even when done by people who later marry, and anyone who engaged in it carries a load of inner guilt that may eventually lead to impotency. Statistics tell us that the majority of people have committed the sin of premarital sex, which is one reason why impotency has become such a large problem in our society. The cure for guilt is confession of sin before God. We must confess that our premarital affairs were sinful and receive His forgiveness. Only when our guilt has been taken away will we receive renewing strength and power from the Holy Spirit, including the strength to enjoy a rewarding sex life in marriage.
If you are suffering from any of these problems, know that you are not alone. If this study applies to you, put into practice the recommendations. If you need further help, meet with your pastor and seek the counsel you require.
